By Donna Hoffmeyer
(original post on Medium, Taking Off The Armor)
For context, I wrote this in the spring of 2022.
Spring is here! The flowers are blooming, bees are buzzing, and pollen is making yellow artwork all over our property. Mother Nature is springing forth life. (For all my Northern friends, here’s to hoping you are truly in spring, not a second winter.)
The idea of new life started me thinking about how Veterans transition into the civilian world. Hold tight, it’s analogy time.
For most of us, it is bumpy on some level; a pothole or two for some, and for others, a complete bridge washout. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be reading the many Facebook and Instagram posts of veterans’ struggles; seeing the hundreds of nonprofits and businesses popping up supporting veteran transition, and deciding to attempt to be part of the solution through my company REBel LLC (yes, yes it is a shameless plug).
You’re going to shake your head at my next statement. I feel that it has to be bumpy. Hear me out for a minute.
Is birth easy? No, not at all. The biggest struggle is getting through the birth canal. However, it is this struggle that helps the child transition to the outside world. When a child goes through the birth canal, they are tightly squeezed. This squeezing process causes a recoil effect and helps them take their first breath when they are born. When the child is delivered via a Cesarean section, they often have to be stimulated a bit more to take their first breath. They didn’t get the luxury of “the squeeze”.
If transition was easy, would we have companies such as Veterati, Tactical 16, and Rallypoint; nonprofits such as Veteran Help Point, Music For Veterans, or Project Diehard; or podcasts like the Coming Home Well network of podcasts, Dysfunctional Veterans, and Veterans Founders Podcast? Nope, nope, and nope.
The squeeze sprung them to life.
Does spring happen in an instant? Absolutely not. Much like a calf, horse, or giraffe, it takes a few moments before the veteran gets up on their feet. We need to take a few breaths, rest, let the “wet” of the prior military life dry off a little; and then attempt our first steps.
Marine Veteran, Daniel Rau, had a horrible transition. Ten years later, he co-founded Veterati, a digital mentoring platform for the military community.
Jay Jimenez’s transition brought him to the brink of life. Five years later, he founded Mindfulness Veterans, a place for veterans to learn more about alternative holistic healing methods.
Oh, you might fall a time or two, but that is OKAY. Fall down as many times as you need to, as long as you attempt to get up after each fall. Much like the animal world, if we give up, we are at risk of dying….maybe not physically dying, but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. And if we stay down too long, well, physical death may become a risk too.
I think transition has to be a bit of a temporary dark place; not so dark there is no return; yet, dark enough to make one go deep within themselves. Maybe, it is a way of limiting the sensory overload that occurs when one walks into completely unfamiliar territory. It allows us to stop looking around ourselves and helps us start looking within ourselves. Maybe, we need to have a paradigm shift and look at this as an amazing gift. Instead of fighting against it, maybe we need to embrace it as a necessary part of a successful transition.
Before I even hit terminal leave (for my civilian friends, that is unused vacation time we use before our actual retirement or separation date), I was already planning my next career move. I had a place that wanted me to join their practice. They even wanted me to do an internship with them during my last 6 months through the military’s Skillbridge program. I was so excited.
Well, my bubble burst when my boss wouldn’t approve it due to staffing. I mentally rallied and decided I would just get moving when I went on terminal leave.
Over the next 3–4 months I started to take notice of how mentally exhausted I was. The new position I was preparing for was not calling me. I was confused and frustrated. I rationalized I just needed to take my terminal leave as a break and get back to it when I officially retired.
The job never materialized. Not because they didn’t want me, but because I wasn’t ready.
I tried to set up business coaching, and the contract sat on my desk for months. I finally called the coach and told him I wasn’t ready. He understood and told me to give it time.
I tried again at 6 months. This time I was attempting to set up a business. It took one question, and I fell apart again.
The details are irrelevant, the point is I needed a LOT more time than I realized…almost a year. It was this period of rest and recoil that allowed me to take many breaths, dry off a little, fall a few times while attempting to walk, and finally get up on my feet and take those first precious steps.
I’m 18 months out now and I’m steadily walking. Oh yes, I trip and even fall and bruise my knee on occasion, but it is much easier to get back up. I set up my business that includes this blog, a podcast, coaching, and publishing; I’m in the midst of a few projects; belong to a Chamber of Commerce; on a board; and continue to meet amazing people every day that encourage me to keep going.
I’m not sharing all of this to be braggadocios. I’m just using my experience to hopefully allow you to see you are not alone, and that the transition squeeze is needed to launch you to the next level.
Will your path look like mine? I hope like hell not. Your journey is uniquely yours and yours alone. Just make sure you embrace transition, savor the positive, and learn from the rough patches. Use the dusk/twilight/darkness to go within yourself and find your light. Let the recoil allow you to take a full breath, and embrace your new veteran legs. They will need a little rest, and a bit of practice, before you can fully use them.
So my Veteran friends, if your transition journey feels rough, change your perspective, and look at it as a little blessing. Let this time be a period of rest and rejuvenation. Let it also be a period where you find inspiration for the next chapter in your journey.
And always remember, the light shines brightest when it’s completely dark. Use this time to find your light, because amazing opportunities are waiting for you.
