By Donna Hoffmeyer
(original post on Medium)
Our dog, Amelia, died a few years back. She was 16 years old, deaf, had cancer, survived a surgery they didn’t think she’d be able to undergo, and lived 3 years beyond what our veterinarian has statistically seen with this type of cancer. We were convinced she was immortal.
Four days before she passed, she stopped eating and could not stand on her own. That’s when we knew the end was near. Well, I should say, we are pretty sure the end was near. I was convinced it was right around the corner, but as each day went by, I wondered if she has more fight in her than any of us realized.
We were out of town on vacation when she started to decline. The house/pet sitter was giving us updates, and each day was just a teeny bit worse. After the third day, we decided to cut our vacation short and head home. None of us could bear the thought of her passing without her family around her.
We made it home. She looked rough. She barely had enough energy to pick her head up, but managed a feeble tail wag when she saw us. Her eyes had a little relief when I came over and cuddled her. She was initially refusing anything I gave her, including water. After a little coaxing, she managed to take a few sips. I had to carry her outside to pee, and when I put her down she walked like she had a few too many shots.
My heart broke.
I slept with her that night; putting a hand on her side on occasion, just to make sure she was still breathing. In the morning, she wasn’t much better, but she would drink a lot when I offered it to her. That was an improvement. If she was still fighting, so was I.
She slept most of the day, and continued to refuse food, but drank like a camel filling up for drought season. That afternoon, I decided to try a different route. A little honey…sweet, quick calories, and easy to eat.
My first score.
She devoured the honey…and then perked up a little (I’m sure her blood sugar was tanked up to this point). I offered a little food…she ate it. A few hours later, a little more…devoured. More water…a little more food. By the evening she was able to walk in the yard with a bit more stability. We were all in awe.
I didn’t know if she was going to make it. She was by far out of the woods. She was 16 years old, and reality said this should have been the end of her line. However, I saw her continue to try and I kept fighting for her.
As I sat and watched her nap, my mind wandered. I started thinking about our Veterans that are struggling. Yes, there are people rooting for them, offering them a short respite from the world, giving a small grant or two, and maybe even an adapted house.
And, as much as I appreciate the veteran-focused non-profits, businesses, and volunteers, I wanted to know where were the big fighters? The ones that can actually make life easier for our Veterans collectively.
I remember bringing my son to the pool 7–8 years ago and meeting a female probation officer. When I told her my job (military nurse) she made the comment it is sad how many Veterans she had on probation. When we discussed it a bit further, I found out most of them had significant PTSD…and they now have the compounded problem of a felony charge. The question that rang in my head was where did the military/veteran community fail them before the felony incident.
Imagine how our Veteran community would look if we collectively kept fighting for them, even when they struggled to fight for themselves.
Imagine a purple heart or bronze star being enough to prove you were indeed in combat.
Imagine our Veterans on probation having resources at their fingertips for care and the chance to have their record expunged when they worked toward healing.
Imagine the military providing care to their Guard and Reserves equally to their active-duty brothers and sisters simply because they served. #parttimestatusfulltimerequirements
Imagine the military not sweeping MSTs (military sexual traumas) under the rug and leaving the survivor to be shunned and figure it out alone.
Imagine commanders given resources that they can employ to actually help their service members.
Imagine not having to explain traumatic events repeatedly, simply because they didn’t have time to read the chart.
Imagine military and veteran providers actually given the time to care for patients versus how many patients they can see in minimal time. (Hell, that really is across the board.)
Imagine hearing “Don’t worry, we got you.” from the VA, and showing it in actions.
Imagine the military accepting the VA diagnosis of PTSD. (Nope, they don’t…the Air Force requires a military medical provider to validate the diagnosis.)
Imagine the military focused on being stewards of their service members, versus being stewards of Congress’s wallet.
Imagine not fighting to be believed.
I could keep going…but I think you are getting the point.
I’m an idealist and a realist. I know what I believe would be ideal, I know it cannot be 100%. And I also know the gap between ideal and real is far too wide.
But…there is hope. Almost every county in the US has a Veteran’s Treatment Court. They are giving our Veterans a second chance by bringing them care and resources within the criminal justice system. The VA aids in this process by engaging service members in the VTC via Veteran Justice Officers.
Identifying and working with these Veterans when they have a misdemeanor is having a huge impact. If you would like to learn more listen to Episodes 36 – 42 of the podcast Beyond the Frontline.
So, a huge shout out to all those that are stepping forward and helping fight the fight; whether it be volunteering, starting a nonprofit, running a veteran-friendly business, or be a section of government putting the Veteran first…it all adds up.
For the entities that can make major changes (DoD and VA, I’m looking at you). I challenge you to change your focus from the dollars to the service members, Veterans and families. I challenge you to take the politics out of it. I challenge you to actually have your actions align with your stated focus. I promise when you align focus and actions, you will not only save dollars…you will save lives. (VTCs and VJOs score a few points…but there is still a long way to go.)
Amelia was at the end of her life. She passed a few days after we got home and July 7th, 2023 will her 2 year heavenly anniversary. I know when she passed, she went knowing that we were with her every step of the way.
Our Veterans need to feel the same.
