By Donna Hoffmeyer
(original post on Medium, Taking Off The Armor)
(Note: This was written at the unfolding of the Ukraine War.)
I am trying to back off watching the news, but it has not been easy. I want to know everything that is going on, and at the same time I am mentally exhausted from seeing massive trauma I can do nothing about. I feel like I am building up kinetic energy and have nowhere to release it.
I’ve noticed a lot of my tension stems from when I see the stories involving the children.
The little girl singing Let It Go to her bunker family.
The young girl makes TikToks about a typical day for her and her family in their bomb shelter.
The many that have bravely climbed into a train with their siblings, unsure if they will see one or both of their parents again.
The children are in the basement of the hospital because they are too ill to leave. Some with their parents, some being cradled and cared for by surrogates because their parents couldn’t make it there.
I am in awe of their ability to outwardly assimilate and normalize to this new lifestyle. I am in awe of their acute resiliency. My heart also breaks, aware of the post-war trauma they will spend a lifetime healing.
What makes these children so brave and strong? I have no doubt some of it is shock, as the brain protects itself by restricting the amount of horror it can process. However, it is much more than that. They are learning through example. Out of tragedy comes unknown strength and creates a breed that only shows when her ability to directly protect her children is not enough.
War has created a new breed of mothers. The Mother Warrior.
This woman is like no other. She is fierce, yet calm; observant amid chaos; and able to put on a smile to replace the terror and tears. She doesn’t hide the truth from her children; how can she when destruction is all around them? Instead, she keeps information to the bare facts. She keeps structure and routine, gives grace for the acting out, and adds many more reassuring hugs throughout the day.
Some of you reading this may be thinking, you are describing every female that has joined the military. You wouldn’t be wrong in your thought. However, there is one discerning factor. Military women were trained for war. These women were not.
This does not apply only to women with children, but women providing strength to children in need of nurturing heroes. Grandmothers, aunts, and cousins stayed behind; helping build camouflage nets for the soldiers; getting care packages to the frontline; picking up a helmet and gun, and heading to the frontline themselves. Women open their arms to any child who needs a reassuring hug. A hug that tells them they will do everything to insulate them from the heinous chaos.
All equally scared, yet outwardly showing only courage.
I watched a news clip of a journalist interviewing a mother of two young children. They were in the subway shelter. She appeared calm, relaxed, and not distressed. The journalist asked her how she could remain so calm. She simply said,(paraphrased) I have to be an example for my children. If I appear anxious or worried, so will my children.
Another mother interviewed, was smiling ear to ear. She was asked how she remains so positive. She told them, (paraphrased) When you smile, you cannot be sad. So I smile, I laugh, and I joke. My children ask me how I can act like this all the time, and I tell them happiness is a choice. I choose to be happy.
Old and young, wise and inexperienced women come together and sing as they fill care packages and knit mesh covers. They laugh and cheer, as they tell the news reporter that their quote for Putin is, Go Fuck Yourself.
To see that level of resolve is awe-inspiring for all of us watching, and I’m sure for the enemy slightly intimidating.
The children are watching every move, and learning from The Mother Warrior. They are seeing there is strength in the collective. They are learning that, much like a teepee, when everyone leans into each other, no one falls. They are learning that being strong for others gives them strength.
There is no doubt the psychological aftermath will be exceptional. At the same time, I will contend these children have a far better chance at recovery, as they have been infused with the fortitude of these strong and resilient women.
The Mother Warriors are the true heroes of the war.
