By Donna Hoffmeyer
(original post on Medium, Taking Off The Armor)
I was talking to a close friend this morning while I was cleaning the bathroom. If any of you are like me, I hate cleaning…but I hate a dirty house more. Talking on the phone while cleaning is the perfect distraction to take my mind off the fact I hate cleaning.
Okay, I digress a bit. I was telling her about a conversation I had a few months ago with a lady interested in my journey through life. She would ask questions, I’d answer, she’d ask a few more, and I’d continue to answer.
After 30 min, she sat back, looked at me with a subtle smile, and said in her lilting southern drawl, “So, your life has basically been one big divine intervention, hasn’t it dear?” I sat there for a moment, thought about the statement, and realized throughout the conversation I used the term “happenstance” at least 5–6 times.
How I came into the military was a happenstance; how I got my Germany assignment was a happenstance; how I wrote and published my first book was a series of happenstances; how I was able to retire from the military was a series of happenstances; how I was able to start my business was a happenstance.
I looked at her and said, “Hmm, I guess you are right.”
When you hear or say the phrase divine intervention, what images appear in your mind? Rays of light? Angels protecting you? Hand of God catching you? Spirit guides watching over you? Blessings of a higher power? Gifts of abundance?
All positive, beautiful, glorious images, right?
I revisited that conversation in my head when my friend and I were talking, and had a bit of an ah-ha moment. Divine intervention does not always feel so divine. Many times it is anything but positive, beautiful, or glorious. If anything, it is a complete antonym to what we envision.
Writing my first book was a completely random opportunity. It started as a Facebook comment by a person I did not know, which led to a phone conversation, that turned to writing books, which led to a request to write a book with him, and finally to me saying, “Sure, why not!”
From a self-publishing aspect (well hell, let’s be real, from almost any aspect), it was pretty much a disaster on so many levels. I jumped into something I knew nothing about, with a co-author I knew nothing about. Doesn’t sound too smart, does it? Well, in one perspective it wasn’t.
Halfway through writing, it was clear there were serious issues and we probably should have taken more time to get to know each other. At the end of the writing and editing process, I had come to the grim realization I had to take over the project to bring it to fruition. I had no idea how, because I had never done it before.
The details are irrelevant. I’m not writing to bash the guy. If anything, I probably owe him a thank you.
Because I was left high and dry on being taught the process of self-publishing (he had other books out), I had to figure it out all on my own. Every single time I had no idea what the next step was, someone was put in my path to assist me. Every. Single. Time. My editor saw the struggle I was having, and not only formatted my book but helped me upload it to the publishing platform.
I didn’t know how to get an ISBN (the number for the back of the book), copyright, or getting the book listed with the Library of Congress. Imagine my surprise when I found out our neighbor used to own a small publishing company, and happily taught me the ropes.
I consider that book my practice run. What it taught me was how much I loved to write. It wasn’t the fact that I enjoyed it when I was writing that validated my love…oh no. It was the whole hot mess I went through, and still found myself wanting to write another book (solo, of course).
We could look at that situation and say that many little divine interventions occurred during the process, and I would agree. However, I would add that the greatest divine intervention was having a conversation with a random stranger, who convinced me to write a book with him, and having it become one enormous mess.
If something had not told me to leap, I would not have found my love of writing. I would not have made the bazillion trials and errors that helped teach me the self-publishing process. I would not have had the courage to bring the book to publication, and self-publish again. I would not be working on a project right now to help other self-publishers.
Divine intervention is sometimes messy, chaotic, scary, confusing, and frustrating. It can be many WTF moments strung together. It is stopping for a moment wondering what the hell you just got yourself into, and how the hell are you going to get yourself out of it.
Divine intervention is plopping you in the middle of uncomfortable, and giving you some of the tools to get out; and sometimes without the directions on how to use the tools you were given. Have you used that tool before, do you need to figure out how to use that tool; or do you need to find a new tool?
Divine intervention is preparing you for growth.
The question is, do you recognize this as hard luck or opportunity?
Hard luck says the struggles you endured were to limit you, restrict you, hold you back, and change the course to something other than what you wanted (or thought you wanted). The world is against you. Life doesn’t give you a break. Your school is the school of hard knocks.
Opportunity says you were given challenges to expand your knowledge, develop skills, and acquire more tools in your toolbox. You see life as abundant. Your school is the school of growth.
Have you heard the phrase, Luck = preparation + opportunity? I believe divine intervention gives you both. The opportunities can prepare you for opportunities.
Wait. What?
Those hellacious moments when the light at the end of the tunnel is pin-sized…yep, they are growth opportunities. Divine intervention can give you those not-so-pretty-looking opportunities to build those skills, hone talents, and expand your knowledge. Exactly what is needed for new opportunities. Forget divine intervention…this is more like a divine infinity circle!
Think about all those times you were struggling. Look back and ask yourself what came out of the situation. Can you find the good? Can you reflect and see where you might be if the situation didn’t occur? Can you see where you grew?
I can hear my naysayers. Yeah, I’m reflecting and I’m not in a better spot. Maybe it doesn’t look that way. Maybe there is more to come. Maybe you were spared a worst outcome that was not even on your radar. Maybe you are now prepared for an opportunity that has not arrived yet.
Divine intervention is not always this beautiful, awe-inspiring, cue-the-music moment. It is slugging through a lot of crap to gain knowledge and skills to level up. It is being put in difficult, challenging situations, sometimes repeatedly, to force us to look at different or new ways to overcome the obstacle; and in the end to move us to a new level with new opportunities.
I was always in awe when I would see a story of someone who lost a limb or had become paralyzed and hear them say, This was a blessing in disguise. Who in their right mind would say that? Then I listen to their story and understand that an entire world was opened up to them, where they have found value. Some may have been on a destructive path and this moment saved them. Some may have had opportunities open up to them that they may not have had before. They found ways to positively channel their pain and trauma, and are now a world-class athlete, motivational speaker, or mentor for others going through a similar situation.
And then I understood. This was divine intervention.
Please do not think I am being a Pollyanna. I am not so far removed from reality, not to realize there are crap situations that have led to people not coming out on the upside. Yes, it happens. I could also argue, that they may have missed the lesson, and in turn, missed opportunities. (We could have a whole debate here.)
I’ve spoken a few times that my last few years in the military were probably some of my most challenging years. Would I want to do them over again? That is a resounding “no”. Am I grateful for what I went through? Without a doubt. Between my first book pandemonium and a few career years that nearly mentally brought me to my knees, I have a plethora of tools in my toolbox for all the new opportunities coming my way.
Veterans, as you transition, keep these thoughts to the forefront. How are you approaching transition? Are you the school of hard knocks, or the school of opportunity? Are you able to reflect and see the divine in the crappiest of moments?
When we change the perspective from what we lost to what we gained, we now have so much more to offer the civilian world. It now becomes a playground of opportunities.
So if there is anything I want you to take away from this week’s blog, it is this:
Divine intervention is an opportunity for growth to prepare you for more opportunities.
If you get a moment, I’d love to hear about your divine interventions in the comments.
