Why It Is Important To Find This When You Leave The Military
By Donna Hoffmeyer
(Original post on Medium, Taking Off The Armor)
My best friend went to the capitol in her state and protested the recent ruling on Roe vs Wade.
No, this isn’t a blog on the ruling.
Watching her use her voice, not only made me extremely proud of her but made me think of our transitioning military. What many civilians may not understand is that when we join the military we give up certain rights. One of them is using our voice.
It is ingrained in us that we are to follow orders (as long as it is not illegal, immoral, or unethical…yes, yes, I hear the snarky comments..sometimes even that is questionable). Our job is to defend this nation. It is not our position to have an opinion on politics, political agendas, or political topics.
What this indoctrination tends to do, is keep us from having a voice in many things during our military career. You will hear people tout it as “good order and discipline”. Yes, it is paramount to have good order and discipline when we are tasked to complete missions many would see as insane or impossible. It is critical to have good order and discipline when the mission requires troops to put their lives on the line. However, when it is less than life on the line, there are some harsh realities to “good order and discipline”. It can demotivate people. It can stovepipe potential solutions, sometimes causing the military to lose solid talent.
Even worse, “good order and discipline” can be turned toxic and used as a power play over the younger troops. Just ask any survivor of a military sexual trauma (MST).
These are the realities. However, I don’t want to focus on what the military takes from us. I want to focus on what the Veteran gains when they transition out of the service.
We get our voice back.
I hear the naysayers. “Whatever, I had a voice, I spoke up. Mmmhhmmm…I’m sure you did. But was it your voice, or the voice of the military? Did you have to think a few steps ahead before you commented…just in case? If you did stand up…did it come at a cost? Think hard about that before answering.
When we get out, we are not bound by these rules anymore. We are like every other citizen and can fully exercise our freedom of speech…to fully use our voice. However, we have been conditioned (or in some cases, beaten down) for so long that we forget we actually had a voice at one time..or do not realize our voice is, in fact, not our own.
Veterans, I am not just talking about standing up for/against a political issue at a protest. I am talking about using your voice in all aspects of your post-military life.
We are no longer bound by orders. We do not have to determine if standing up will be the demise of our career. We get to dictate what works, or not works, for us. We can politely tell people to pound sand. “Thank you for the opportunity, but it does not work for me at this time.”
A few months back I had someone very interested in talking to me. After what I considered a great conversation, I was excited to learn from this person. A few more conversations later, I realized this person was really only interested in what I potentially could do for them. Amazingly, my split-second first thought was dread, and right behind that a bit of elation when I realized I could just walk away without any reservations…and I did.
We can pursue what interests us and leave what does not. We can work and collaborate with people we resonate with and walk away from those we feel are not a good fit. We can stand up for what we believe in, without fear of repercussions or reprisal. (Yes, I am sure it exists outside the military…but far more diluted.)
We can say “No” as a complete sentence. We can say “Yes” when it suits us.
It will feel odd at first…like the very first time you put on the uniform. Or maybe like the first time you rode a bike, gave a speech, learned a new skill, or simply learned to walk (with stilts)…it was awkward initially, but the more you practiced the more natural it became.
We have dedicated ourselves to and stood up for a noble cause. The majority of us would do it again. Now, it is time to dedicate to yourself.
For my Veteran friends, especially those close to or very recently transitioned, the takeaway here is simple. You. Have. A. Voice. So, please find it…and make sure it is truly your voice. Whether that be speaking, writing, art, protesting, setting better boundaries, or just smiling and walking away…because you can…get that voice back in working order and use it.
And trust me, when you do start using it, you’ll wonder how you ever functioned without it.
